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Wednesday, May 6, 2009

How will I wait so long?

Tomorrow, I will be sixteen weeks pregnant with twin boys. I have wanted to start a blog or journal about my pregnancy since I found out but I have been so afraid I would loose the babies that I didn't want to get too excited. Today, I had a visit with my O.B.G.Y.N. and I heard my little babies heart beats. Now that I am past the point of most miscarriages I am becoming so excited and my fears are getting smaller and smaller.
Just to recap my pregnancy journey thus far:

February 22nd, 2009 After having serious breast pain and no period for a few weeks I took two at home pregnancy tests which came up positive. When the first test began to show a positive result I immediately fell on the floor of the bathroom and cried tears of joy and disbelief. I went upstairs and woke up my fiance as I was still sobbing and showed him the test. The rest of the day is sort of a blur. I remember calling my mother and I know my fiance called his family. I took the second test to be sure and it again showed positive.

March 4th, 2009 - 7 weeks - My first O.B.G.Y.N. appointment. My fiance and I met there together after work. We were so excited. I was certain there was a mistake and that something was horribly wrong with me. There was no way I was pregnant. We were called back and the nurse had me pee in a cup and she ran it through a machine and announced that yes I was pregnant. She asked for my LMP (last menstrual period) and they calculated my due date as October 22nd, 2009.

March 24th, 2009 - 9 Weeks - My fiance and I were hoping for our first ultrasound by alas not this time. They did however look for a heartbeat even though it was early and for the first time we heard our little baby's heartbeat. I expressed concern with my doctor with amount of weight I had gained. I was about 126 before I became pregnant and at this weigh in I was about 143. He didn't seem too concerned but I couldn't believe how quickly I was growing.

April 15th, 2009 - 12 weeks - Today is the day of our first ultra sound!! In the ultrasound room I am lying on my back and my fiance is sitting in a chair facing me. He can see the screen but I can't. The sonographer explains that he won't say anything until he is complete. It took much longer than I expected and I wanted to see so bad. He had me roll over on my side and he seemed to be having difficulty getting the baby positioned the way he wanted. All I could do was look at my fiance and see the perplexed look on his face. After what seemed like forever he switched on the screen on the ceiling in front of me and said something like, "Well, you are having twins." I started to cry. The sonographer was talking and I didn't hear anything he said. Not only was I fortunate enough to have one baby but I was having two. I just kept crying and I could finally see though my tears and running mascara the two little babies on the screen. It was complete shock and disbelief. I went outside as soon as I could and called my mother. I had to tell her at least four times that I was having twins. I think she was in just as much shock as we were. My fiance called his family members and then we went in to see the doctor. He explained that he was sending me to a specialist since I was having multiples. When we left the office, we had to just sit there and think things over. We were planning on having a decently fancy wedding in June and we decided that because we now had two babies to pay for that we would have a wedding at the courthouse and a reception at my mothers. He talked to family and friends on the way to my mother's house. I couldn't wait to show her the pictures of the babies. It was such an exciting day.

April 17th, 2009 - 13 weeks - My mother went with my fiance and I to the specialist's office. We immediately went to the ultra sound room. We saw the little babies again and the sonographer was making little jokes. Then, the doctor came in and suddenly everything changed. He explained that baby A had an abnormal NT measurement of 5 (I had no idea what he was talking about at the time). He said that this was a strong indication that the baby had a chromosomal abnormality such as Downs Syndrome. Then he went on about our options. We could do a CVS test, which gave us a risk for miscarriage or we could wait and do an amnio test, or we could do nothing but this could put the other baby at risk. He even explained how we could terminate the baby by giving it a shot in the heart to kill it and then it would be absorbed by my body. It was horrible. I tried so hard not to cry and I couldn't see my fiance and my mom behind me but I knew they were just as devistated. He asked for our decision and I told him that no matter what I would never terminate a baby just because it had a disability. He reminded me that it could possibly put the other baby at risk. We decided to do the CVS procedure because there was no way we would be able to handle the not knowing. We spoke with a genetic counselor who explained the procedure and took our family medical history. We left and the three of us couldn't get over how horrible everything had been and the possibilities if one of the babies was disabled. Needless to say my fiance and our families wouldn't be able to think of much else until we received the results back.

April 20, 2009 - 13 weeks - My mother and I went to the specialist's office prepared for the worst. I was so afraid that the CVS test would cause me to loose my babies. After blood tests, talking to the genetic counselor again, and waiting we went into the office. I was in the same ultrasound room and the sonographer checked the babies. I explained I didn't want to see the needles. She put some stuff on my stomach and stuck the needle in. I turned my head and held my mom's hand. I was so terrified this was going to hurt the babies. The pain was very small. I just kept looking at my mom and she reassured me they were almost done. It caused small contractions which felt strange and had me worried. One baby down. Then, they said the other baby was in a bad position. They couldn't get the sample vaginally or through my abdomen. So, they had me get up and walk around a bit and wait. When we came back in the doctor wasn't sure if she would be able to get to the other baby's tissue which would make the whole thing a waste of time. Lucky she was barley able to reach the baby and I went through the same terror as before. No pain, just fear my babies were going to be hurt. I am so thankful my mother was there she made the whole thing less scary. Yeah! All done. Now we wait for the results.

April 24th 2009 - 14 weeks - No word all week. They said three days to get preliminary results and nothing. I called. The women said they had the lab results on one baby but not the other. She said she would call the lab and call me back. I waited for what seemed like forever but for what was really about 7 minutes. She told me the results showed no chromosomal abnormalities - both babies had two!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then she said, "Do you want to know," and I said, "Yes," before she could finish. The only positive thing about this test was that I could know whether or not the babies were boys or girls or both. She said, "Baby A is a boy and baby B is a boy." I felt like the luckiest person in the world. Not only were my babies healthy but they were both little boys which is what I could have wished for. I was so happy I called my mom. She was relieved to finally hear the results. I had to tell my fiance. We are both teachers at the same school I did not have class at the time but he did. I found two student aides wondering the halls and I had them come into my room. I scribbled a note to my fiance on blue paper that said something like the babies are fine test results are normal and this paper is blue because they are both boys. The girls took the note to him and came right back and told me that he had a huge smile on his face.

May 6, 2009 - week 15 - I visited my OBGYN today. I am now 154 lbs. and super okay with the fact that I will probably be 185 lbs. or more before these babies come. I have been so hungry all the time. I am amazed at how much I can eat now. I was a smoker before so I'm sure that's contributing. I try to eat as healthy as possible all day but I crave fast food so much....especially Arby's. The nurse listed for both of their heartbeats and they were both strong and it was so beautiful to hear them. The doctor came in and asked me a few questions. I will see him again in four weeks. I am feeling so much better today. My fatigue has lessened and I am beginning to get so excited about these little boys. I was so worried about weight gain but now I don't care. I'll take it off when they come. I just want to be healthy for them and grow them big and strong so they are born healthy. I just don't know how I will wait so long!

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